Carnival Music Box

The music you are listening to was inspired by a dream. A wonderful dream. A dream so vivid and full of detail that it was impossible to distinguish it from reality. So much so that it makes one think, did I for a moment escape this mortal coil? Was I somehow transported to another place free from the great multitude of things that plague us in this world? And I wasn’t alone. I got to share this wonderful moment with my twin daughters.

The dream was in three parts. It started early one spring morning. It was one of those perfect mornings. Everything was just right—the temperature...the light…the breeze...the smells. That wonderful little breeze, caught the girls’ hair and gently carried it behind them...just like their mom’s. We were walking along a cliff side that overlooked the ocean. We were fairly high up, but you could still feel a light mist dance across your face. As we got to a point where the cliff side turned, we noticed a carnival below. A magnificent carnival that stirred all the senses. All the colors were so rich and bold and there was such a feeling of excitement in the air. The girls pulled at my hands eager to go, truth is, I wanted to go just as much as they. We found a staircase that took us right to the event. A carnival on the beach...what a wonderful thing.

The second part of the dream was spent at the carnival taking it all in and just enjoying being together. All the sights and sounds and smells, truly a magical thing. With such a beautiful day, we walked down to the water where we sat and watched the waves roll in...gentle, calming waves. There were several children in the water playing and throwing a ball back-and-forth. The girls, however, seemed very content to just sit on the beach with me and watch.

In the third part of the dream, we were on a sailboat looking back at the beach and the carnival. To our delight, around the bend, came the horses and the bareback riders to put on a spectacular show. From the water, I felt like we had the best seat in the house. Towards the end of the show, we watched a wonderful sunset together and then it all just vanished and I awoke. Upon waking, I just had this overwhelming sense of calm. A sense that my girls were OK and that I will get to see them again. I realized my wife wasn’t with us in the dream and was overwhelmed with a feeling that had the girls been born, she wouldn’t have survived. I could almost hear the girls whisper ‘we love you too much to take mom from you, live your life together and enjoy your time together. We’ll be waiting for you both.’

I don’t know how this works. I don’t know if they can hear this music. I believe they can. Almost every night, I play it for them in hopes that wherever they are they can hear it and know that I treasured the moment we had together and that love truly has no boundaries.

This is actually the first body of compositions written under the name Fox & Snare. At the time, I was playing in a duo with my dear friend, Rebecca. I combined the meaning of our names, mine being “fox” and hers being “snare” and began to write some songs that we might perform.
This was a wonderful time spent with a good friend, more of a sister actually. But, it was also a very dark time. I was just coming out of a bad divorce. My Uncle, more of a second father, was losing his battle with cancer. Two of my students lost their lives in car accidents, and another in a hunting accident. These songs were my way of dealing with all of those things and taking a closer look at who I was and where I was heading. Many of the songs are basically just me being really fed up with myself.
Needless to say, these are very special songs, but also very difficult songs for me. I guess you could say that they’re a snapshot of a part of my life that I’d just as soon not remember. On the other hand, they were and are survival songs.
These recordings were never meant to be released as is, they were demos to share my ideas with Rebecca. The whole album was recorded on a very inexpensive Sampson microphone into GarageBand. I had always intended to rerecord them later.
My life has changed in so many ways since then. I remarried a wonderful girl, moved to a new city and started a new life. We have horses, sheep, dogs, cats and miscellaneous other critters from time to time. We are currently in the process of adopting a daughter and starting another new chapter.
In other words, I’m pretty far away from where I was mentally and physically when I wrote and recorded these songs. I could never recapture those moments, nor would I really want to. However, it didn’t feel right to just let these songs go. Maybe they could help someone else.
So, with the encouragement of friends, family and my lovely wife, I decided to release them, as is. I cleaned them up the best that I could, but nothing was added or redone, this is how these songs came into the world. Imperfect, but in a way it represents the broken state of my life at the time. They do remind me that no matter how difficult things get, tomorrow does finally come. I hope these songs may touch other lives and help them as well.